We are continuing our to follow along with our Sunday morning message series called "A parents Sacred Trust". Today, I'll be preaching about the importance of connecting with your kids. At the core of the message is the very real issue of building a relationship with your kids. Being Transparent - being vulnerable and maybe most important of all - being alert.
That's what I want to talk about this week in the COV devotional. The principles we talk about our transferable. So, if you are single and don't have kids, use the biblical principles in any relationship you have and watch God work.
Let me start by asking - What if you wanted to decorate a house, who would you have come into your home to assist you? How about remolding your home? What if you wanted the world’s greatest expert on relationships up on this stage talking to you today, who would you have up here? Jesus Christ. He’s an expert at relationships. He knows what relationships are all about.
When it comes to how to relate to other people, Jesus has some things to teach every one of us. Jesus can improve every one of our relationships. But, to do that, let’s admit something from the very beginning. I think it will help. Let’s admit that when it comes to relationships, we’re different. We relate differently. We communicate differently. We’re just different – all of us.
Because we’re different, we ask some of these questions: Why won’t my husband talk more? Why can’t my wife think more like I do? Why won’t my parents listen to me? Why is it that children have to be told an average of 235 times to take the garbage out before they do? How can I find a friend who really understands?
We all live with this huge gap when it comes to relationships. When it comes to relationships we have to ask ourselves how we bridge this incredible gap? There have been some terribly hurtful things take place in your relationships – things like…
“You’ll never amount to anything.” - “I’m sorry I ever married you.” - “I’ll never forgive what she said about me.” “I want a divorce.” - “Why can’t we be in the same room without fighting?” - “He’s an idiot.”
Some of you are here today and you’re at the end of your rope when it comes to relationships. You wonder how you’re going to bridge that gap. What I want you to get this morning is this - Jesus is the bridge. Jesus Christ has the power to take us from where we are to where in our hearts we want to be when it comes to relationships.
So, as we look at the life of Christ and the way He did relationships, let me say this – I am probably one of the least qualified to talk about relationships. I don't do relationships real well. The truth is I stink at them. But, God is teaching me. God is growing me. God is changing me. And the truth is, it's not about me anyway - it's about Jesus.
Before we go any further, let’s stop and think for a moment and ask - What relationship is there in my life that needs some working on that I’d like to see God improve. It doesn’t take long to think of one does it? Write that persons name down. Then I want you to close your eyes and listen to this verse:
Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Folks, God wants us to treasure people. God wants us to value people. That’s where building great relationships begin.
Relationship Principle #1: JESUS PLACED THE HIGHEST VALUE ON RELATIONSHIPS.
When Jesus talked about values, He said the number one value is relationships. One day Jesus was walking through the street. The crowds were around Him and a teacher of the law – a scribe - walks up to him and asks him a question – Listen from Mark 12: And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that He answered them well, asked Him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?”
Jesus didn’t have to wait a second before He answered. He looked at the man and first said this, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”
That’s all about relationships – our relationship to God. To Love God is number one. No relationship is more important. No love is more important.. Valuing your relationship with God above all else. Above everyone else. Above everything else.
How do you do that? Let’s break down what Jesus told us.
“Love God with all your heart.” Your heart is where you feel. You love Him with the emotions of your life. That’s part of valuing your relationship with God. I love God with all my heart when I share my emotions with Him. I hope you do that, when you tell God, the Father, this is how I’m feeling, this is what I’m going through right now. When you take the time to tell Him that, maybe some time during the night when you’re tossing and turning – you’re facing an appointment, a difficulty tomorrow – you say, “God, here’s how I’m feeling.” That’s loving God. It’s one of the greatest ways you can love God.
“Love Him with all your mind”. My mind is where I think. It’s where the thoughts and impressions and intelligence and learning happens. I want to love Him with that. You love God with all your mind when He’s the last thought at night. When you set down and just for fifteen minutes to think about what does it mean that God is my Father?
What does it mean that God never changes? What does it mean that God’s all-powerful? You take a few minutes out of the day to think about that. That’s loving Him with your thoughts.
“Love Him with all your soul” Your soul is where you decide. It’s the place in your life where your will is. That’s what your soul is all about. Have you had one of those situations where your mind tells you to do one thing and your feelings tell you to do another thing? You feel stretched in two different directions. In that case, who decides? It’s your will, your soul. Have you ever decided to do something even though you didn’t want to do it? Sure, we’ve all done that.
What caused you to be able to do that? You have a will. You’re not driven by your emotions or even by your thoughts. We have a will and we can love the Lord with that. You love God with your soul, your decisions, when you choose His way rather than your way in your business or in your family. That’s loving Him with your soul.
“Love Him with all your strength.” This is where you act. You love God and you show it with your actions. You show it when you serve Him with all your strength. You show it when you give yourself to another person. You show it when you obey him. We show it when we give our all to the Lord because we love the Lord.
Where you feel, where you think, where you decide and where you act. Emotions, thoughts, desires, actions. If you and I want to change our values, here’s a good list of the four things we need to change. I need to change my heart, my mind, my soul and my strength.
This is really the center of the entire devotional today. Jesus said this is the first commandment. You’ve got to love the Lord, have that as the center. If you don’t have that as the center, the value of that, then everything else doesn’t make any sense.
Jesus didn’t stop there when answering the scribe about what commandment was the most important of all. He gave the scribe a little bonus answer. He said, “The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.” Do you get this? The #1 priority of my life should be my relationship with God. The second priority? My relationship with others.
What does it meant to value our relationship with others? Jesus said, “You love your neighbor as yourself.” What does that mean? I can remember a long time back, I was reading a Time Management book written by Ted Engstrom. In it he said “God does not demand of me that I accomplish great things. He does demand of me that I strive for excellence in my relationships.”
So, how do you do that? Here’s what I’m learning - Valuing my relationship with others means asking three questions:
#1. I need to ask, What’s worth my time? Love is really spelled TIME. I have to give time to people to truly love them.
Jesus had a relationship encounter once. There was a time when He was going for a meal to some friends’ house. Martha and Mary were their names. They had a brother Lazarus. Thirteen big hungry fishermen coming for dinner. Mary and Martha need to rush around, make sure that these guys are fed. They want to serve Jesus, impress Him.
Luke 10 says, “Martha was the jittery type and was worrying over the big dinner she was preparing.” When Jesus started teaching the disciples, her sister Mary went and sat at Jesus’ feet and started to listen in on the teaching. And Martha’s trying to prepare this huge meal all by herself now. Can you imagine what happened? She starts banging pots and pans around, looking over at Mary. Is she going to ever notice that I need some help here? You can feel the temperature rising in the room. Martha is really getting hot here!
She walks up to Jesus, interrupts His teaching and says “Sir, doesn’t it seem unfair to You that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” Jesus looks at Martha – and in love say this - “But the Lord said to her, ‘Martha, dear friend, you are so upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it and I won’t take it away from her.’”
Is He saying that Martha was wrong to prepare the meal? I don’t think so. I think that Martha could have loved Jesus just as much by serving a meal as Mary could have loved Him by setting at His feet and listening to His teaching. I believe that. It was the attitude that He was talking about. Listen, He’s saying. Mary has chosen to enjoy her relationship with Me. Martha could have chosen that even as she was preparing the meal but she didn’t.
When it comes to relationships, one of the questions that’s behind this verse is What’s worth my time and What am I spending my time doing? One of the real difficulties with relationships is they take time. They take lots of time. You cannot schedule relationships like you can schedule other things, can you? You can’t write in on your daily planner, twelve noon: talk to Joe about his marriage problem.
You can’t write in, seven p.m.: Help my daughter deal with her fears at school. Nine to ten p.m.: Have fight with wife. You don’t schedule that in. Ten thirty to eleven p.m: Make up with my wife. You just can’t schedule those things in. Ladies, this drives guys crazy. We want to be able to schedule everything for the entire day.
One of the things that God is teaching me – one of the things we have to admit is that we can’t schedule relationships. They’re just not made that way. We have to ask, What’s worth my time? and, Am I willing to be flexible with relationships because they’re worth more than anything to me?
#2. You ask, Who’s worth my trust? I could have said, Who’s worth my love? but I want to say Who’s worth my trust? because that gets to the heart of the matter. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” So the relational question here is, Who is your neighbor?
Jesus told a story about this once when His disciples were struggled with this issue of who is your neighbor. It’s the story of the Good Samaritan. There’s a real values choice in this story. Luke 10:30-37. Jesus gave us a picture. “A Jew was going on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho…” It was down through a dark valley, a lonely desolate place. “… and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes and money and beat him up and left him lying half-dead beside the road…” You see this incredible circumstance where Jesus notices a person’s need.
Jesus said there’s a values choice. These bandits that stripped a man, beat him. He’s lying beside the road and people began to walk by. In fact, a couple of religious leaders walked by. They noticed the man but they had more important things to do. They had meetings to go to, places to be. They just rushed on by. Then a Samaritan came by.
In that day, the Jewish people had a great prejudice against the Samaritan people. They had a lot of battles in their background. So for Jesus to raise a Samaritan to the height of honor in this situation would have been something that shocked everybody. It’s the Samaritan that goes by, notices the man’s needs, goes over, bandages him, puts him on his own donkey, takes him and makes sure he has a place to stay. He says, If there’s anymore need at all I’ll pay for it when I come back.
There’s something that we don’t see immediately in this story that the first hearers would have seen. That is that love always does require trust. There’s always a risk. It was a pretty common practice in that day on the road to Jericho for bandits to rob travelers by having a guy lay like he’s hurt, like he’s beat up. Then when somebody comes to check him out, they jump on the guy and take all his money. So as those people walked by, it would be very easy for them to say, “I can’t help because I’ll bet the guy’s a robber. I bet he doesn’t have a real need.” For the Samaritan to go and help that man, it was a genuine risk.
Here’s a real values question. It’s always a risk to love. That’s why it’s such an important values question. It was a risk for this man and it’s a risk for you and I. C. S. Lewis said it this way, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it in tact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” It’s a risk to love, but it’s worth it.
I’m sure there are some of you here that have been hurt so deeply. You’ve told yourself “I’m never going to open myself up to that kind of hurt again to any person and maybe even to God because it hurts.” And who wants to hurt again? But this is an incredible reminder that there is hurt in not loving too. Not only are you hurt, but the ones you could have loved are incredibly hurt. It takes trust.
If you have relationship, it’s a risk. There’s no guarantees. Those of you who are parents, wouldn’t you like a guarantee that your kids would turn out to be perfect people who have perfect children. Wouldn’t you like a guarantee that they’d have no problems in their life? You can’t even guarantee that about your life. How can you guarantee it about somebody else’s life? So that little six-month-old that you hold in your hands, you have to recognize there are no guarantees.
It’s always a risk to love. I’ve got to ask myself, Who’s worth that trust? Jesus said, “Who’s your neighbor? Anyone who has a need.” As a Christian, that’s who’s worth your trust.
#3. There’s a third question in this simple thing. If you love your neighbor as you love yourself, there’s a question there, “Who’s worth more?” love your neighbor - As yourself. Jesus said in Matthew 10, “Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. Even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.” Who’s worth more?
We are all of equal value in God’s sight. I must value others just as much as God values me. What would change in your relationships if people knew that about you? That you valued them as much as God does?
The truth of the matter this morning is simple - Jesus values relationships.
He places this incredibly high value on His relationship with us. He died on the cross to make a relationship with Him possible. He wants us to be with Him wherever He is for all eternity. John 15:12-13 (ESV) says, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.”
Folks, when I take a minute to look at the reality of that, that’s overwhelming. That’s the kind of strength that I need. Jesus placed high values on relationships. He placed a high value on me. Even when I don’t think I deserve it at times. Here’s the last request -
As a result of today’s devotional, ask yourself - - Who do I need to put on my calendar? Who do I need to put on my schedule as a result of this message? If you’re not spending daily time with God for ten or fifteen minutes at the beginning or end of the day, will you start? He needs to be first. Because you “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength,” Read a little of His word, pray a little bit and let Him strengthen the relationship.
But then who needs to be on your schedule? Maybe you’re afraid to write it in because you’re afraid you’ll break the appointment. At least make the attempt. If you break the appointment, then try again. None of us are perfect. The issue is start. Start spending the time God wants you to on relationships. First with Him and then with others.
Prayer:
Maybe this morning you've read this devotion and you know that something’s got to change in your life. Let me ask you straight up – have you got a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Have you received Him into your heart? Have you given Him your life?
Then, how many of you would say, I need help in my relationships? Pray for me? let me know this week how I can be praying for you. I love you guys. Stay the course. Stay faithful. ENDURE!
February 28: Matthew 5:21-24 - What is the truth found here?
March 1:Ephesians 4:2: What is the command in regard to relationships?
March 2: 1 Corinthians 11:1: What is this command all about?
March 3: 1 John 3:16: How can you apply this truth to your relationships?
March 4: Ephesians 4:29: What is the command here? How will you apply it?
March 5: Matthew 5:38-39: How will you apply this command to your life and relationships?
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