For the next few weeks, we'll be going through a message series called - "A Parents Sacred Trust". Each week of these devotions, we'll look at what God's Word has to say about parenting.
This week, we are going to look at what we are to do as parents when things don’t go as planed, when our kids walk away fro God and his plan for their lives. We will be looking at Luke 15. The story of the prodigal or the lost son. It's a story that gives hope for hurting parents. It's not just a lesson about God's love, but it's a lesson about parenting.
Now, just so we are clear, I'm no authority about parenting. I feel like Charles Shed, who used to do a seminar on parenting when he was single. It was called, "How to Raise Your Children." Then he said after he got married, he changed the title to "Some Suggestions for Parents". Then, after he had his first kid, he change it to "Feeble Hints to Fellow Strugglers". And after he had three kids, he said he stopped giving the lecture.
I'm no authority, but God is an authority and that's what we're going to look at today. As a pastor, more than other people, I see the hurt and the heartbreak that happens in a family when one family member chooses a lifestyle that messes everybody else up. It hurts.
Let’s look at how this happens…
STAGE ONE: REBELLION
Luke 15:11 "Jesus said, `There's a man who had two sons and the younger one said to his father, "Father, give me my share of the estate." So he divided his property between them and not long after that the younger son got all he had together and he sat of for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.'"
Stage one is rebellion. In every parent-child relationship there's going to be a struggle. It's called a struggle for control. Who's in charge? It's a power control. At birth, as a parent, you are 100% in control. But as they grow, the power gets transferred. Your control is not permanent. Kids want control sooner than we want to give it.
Here in verse 12, we see the root of all rebellion – the prodigal says to his father "Father, give me..." Underline "give me" -- that's the root of rebellion. SELFISHNESS. Me first. If I could just do as I please, if I could just be my own boss, if I didn't have to answer to anyone life would be great.
So, In verse 13, it says "He got all he had together and sat off for a distant country and squandered his wealth in wild living." This guys heads for Hollywood. He's going to live it up! He goes to Sunset Strip in Jerusalem and gets in his Cadillac and cruises the Boulevard. He's having one great time!
So, let me ask you - what do you do when you have kids that are legally independent and you can't control them anymore. This father took three difficult actions. I think he's a model for us because in this parable the father represents God. And God is the perfect Father. What do you do when you can't control your kid anymore - and they're going to go live in a lifestyle the opposite of what you want them to do?
1. LET THEM GO
"the younger son set off" and the father didn't chase him. He released him. From birth we're preparing our kids to leave. I think one of the most difficult tasks of parenting is knowing when to let go. It's hard. When do we let them go? If your 16 year old came to you with this request, would you give into it? No way! But, if they are of legal age, and they are determined to live outside of your authority, you let them go. No doubt the father tried to reason with his son but to no avail. The young man was determined to leave. The fact is, the tighter we hold on, the more they resist. Let them go. That's hard.
2. LET THEM MAKE THEIR OWN MISTAKES
"He squandered his wealth in wild living" He took everything his dad had given him and blew it. He wasted it all. At first the story is great. It's party time! He's living it up! Jet set! Go for the gusto! The son probably tried everything, especially those things that were forbidden at home. He's out having a good time and living it up. He tosses his parents' values to the wind and rejects their background and has a great time. But he wasted his wealth.
Here is the a true statement, rebellion is always a waste of life. Let me ask you, do you think that this father knew that his son was going to waste the money? Sure. Do you think he knew his son was headed for trouble? Sure. Do you think he was tempted to send letters of advice? Sure.
The father realized that there are some things we only learn through pain. This kid was stubborn. The only way he was going to learn it was through the school of hard knocks. He would never learn at home or in the classroom what he was going to learn out in life because convictions come from life, not from a classroom. It's risky but it was the only way for this kid.
Proverbs 20:30 says, "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways." Frank Freed says, "I've talked to a lot of people and most of them say, `If I had to do over I'd do less for my child and make him do more for himself.'" Force him to be responsible, to grow up. When we take responsibility for our children, we take it away from them. And they will grow up to resent it.
It's hard to let them go and it's even harder to let them make their own mistakes. The hardest of all is number three.
3. LET THEM REAP THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN CHOICES.
There is a price tag for rebellion. The Bible says, "after he spent everything, he began to be in need." There always a price tag for rebellion. Galatians 6:7 says, "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he reap. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked."
Luke 15:14 says, "After he spent everything, there was a severe famine in the whole country and he began to be in need so he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he longed to fill his stomach with the pods the pigs were eating but no one gave him anything."
Do you see what’s going on here? It's hard times! The party's over! He's broke. He's friendless. He hits bottom. He has empty pockets, empty stomach, an empty life.
He's reaping the consequences of his own decision. He's wasted everything and now he is in need. There's a great temptation here as parents. And that is to intervene. Wire the money. Bail them out. Fix the situation.
The father knew something very important that all of us have to learn. Don't short-circuit God’s natural set of consequences. God has a way of disciplining our children in ways that we can't. Let your children reap the consequences of their decisions. They will never learn if we continue to intervene.
But because the father did not and bail out his son, they came to Stage Two
II. STAGE TWO: REGRET
Luke 15:17 says, "When he came to his senses." Some of you are praying for that sentence to come true in your children's lives. When is my kid going to wake up? When is he going to come to his senses? When is he going to see that he's ruining his life? You're praying for that.
"When he came to his senses he said, `How many of my father's hired men have food to spare and here I am starving to death? I will set out and go back to my father and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. And I'm no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired men."'" Do you notice the change in attitude?
He begins to wise up. It says, "He came to himself” He faces the facts and recognizes "This is stupid! What am I doing here? Why am I setting here eating pig slop? This is insane. This lifestyle is not worth it." And he heads off for home not for a change of clothes but for a change of heart.
Notice the difference. In v. 12 he says, "Father, give me..." When he comes home, v. 19, he says, "Father, make me..." He's broken. He's saying, I made a mess of my life, make me one of your hired servants -- A change of heart. What do you do during this stage, while you're waiting for your child to regret their lifestyle choices. Three things.
1. YOU PRAY
Pray and pray and never stop praying. Our children -- my children, your children -- are targets of Satan. From the day that they take a breath, Satan is trying to ruin their lives. They need to be prayed for. That's one of our chief responsibilities as parents is to pray for our children. Every day. All Day. Throughout the day. Before they get up, after they go to bed. Prayer makes all the difference.
2. YOU COMMIT
Commit them to God. The things that are out of our control are not out of God's control. Although we may not be able to change the situation, God can. Commit them to the Lord.
3. YOU WAIT
Wait and wait... Wait patiently. Many of you are doing that right now. That's hard but there is always a waiting period. it takes longer for some. But whatever you do, don't short circuit nature's discipline. Because the father waited, the son came to stage three.
III. STAGE THREE: THE RETURN
How you handle the return is very crucial. Luke 15:20 says, "So he got up and he went to his father. But while he was still a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran and threw his arms around him and he kissed him."
How do you handle the return of a prodigal? You do what God does for each one of us in our rebellion.
1. LOVE THEM FAITHFULLY
Stubborn love. You never give up. It says, "His father, while he was still a long way off, was filled with compassion." Not when he had come back home and got his life together. He was filled with compassion while he was still a long way off. The father had never given up hope. No matter how far they fall, no matter how long you wait, the door was left open for reconciliation. You love them faithfully.
2. ACCEPT THEM UNCONDITIONALLY
It says His father went out and it says he threw his arms around him. He ran to him and he kissed him and hugged him.
Can you imagine how this guy probably smelled? He's been living in a pig pen, giving slop to hogs, eating this slop (he was so hungry himself). He's at the bottom. He walks home through the desert, it's probably caked through his beard and matted in his hair. He was one gross looking, gross smelling guy! But what does his father do? He runs out and gives him a big bear hug. And kisses him. Unconditional acceptance.
Some of you are saying, "How can I accept my prodigal without lowering my standards? How can I accept my child when I don't approve at all of their lifestyle?" SIMPLE, don’t confuse acceptance with approval! There's a difference between acceptance and approval. Acceptance says, "I love you, child, because you're my child. God made you and I love you, but I do not approve of what you're doing." You can accept a child or a person without approving of their lifestyle.
I think a very important question we need to ask ourselves, parents, is, Do you make it easy for your kids to admit it when they're wrong? Or do you hold it over their heads? Do you make them come groveling? Love them faithfully and accept them unconditionally.
3. FORGIVE THEM COMPLETELY
v. 22 "But the father said to his servants. `Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet and bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's feast! Let's celebrate!"
What I like about this father is he didn't rub it in, he rubbed it out. He didn't say son, "I told you so." He could have, but he didn’t. The prodigal son didn't need a sermon – he needed forgiveness. The father gave him a second chance. He forgave him completely.
This story shows how God deals with our rebellion. In fact, that's the primary purpose of this parable. We've all sinned – we have all rebelled – we have all gone our own way - we've done our own thing. The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” We mess up our lives. But God says, "Come on home!" God longs to give us another chance.
Maybe you’re reading this today and you've got a child out there that you don't know if they're ever going to shape up. You don't know how they're going to turn out. Maybe they've rejected everything in your life and they've hurt you deeply. They've ridiculed your values and they've rejected your counsel and rebelled against your authority. You're hurt and it's agony. It's embarrassing because you tend to take all the blame on yourself. You're angry. You wonder what do I do? Where do I go for help? How can I handle this? You go to God! Give your hurts to God. He's the only one who can heal them.
Maybe you're the rebellious person. Maybe you're the rebellious child. Maybe you've thought, "It's my life! I can do whatever I want to with it. It's nobody else's business what I do. And maybe, just maybe you sense, you know that god has spoken to your heart today it’s time to come home. You recognize your rebellion, you regret it, and you want top return home. Now is the time – Come Home!
I can’t think of a better time to come home to God’s love and forgiveness than right now. I encourage you to read the following passages through the week and answer the questions associated with each passage.
FEBRUARY 7 - Ephesians 6;1-4: What are the commandments found here?
FEBRUARY 8 - Deuteronomy 6:4-9: What are we told to do in this passage?
FEBRUARY 9 - Joshua 24:15: What is the resolve shown here by Joshua?
FEBRUARY 10 - 3 John 4: Pastor Mike's life verse. What's yours?
FEBRUARY 11 - Isaiah 38:19: What is this verse expecting from us?
FEBRUARY 12 - James 1:27: What children has God placed in your life that you are to come alongside of to care for?
I love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course. ENDURE!
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