Week #9: February 27-March 5, 2011

We are continuing our to follow along with our Sunday morning message series called "A parents Sacred Trust". Today, I'll be preaching about the importance of connecting with your kids. At the core of the message is the very real issue of building a relationship with your kids. Being Transparent - being vulnerable and maybe most important of all - being alert.

That's what I want to talk about this week in the COV devotional. The principles we talk about our transferable. So, if you are single and don't have kids, use the biblical principles in any relationship you have and watch God work.

Let me start by asking - What if you wanted to decorate a house, who would you have come into your home to assist you? How about remolding your home? What if you wanted the world’s greatest expert on relationships up on this stage talking to you today, who would you have up here? Jesus Christ. He’s an expert at relationships. He knows what relationships are all about.

When it comes to how to relate to other people, Jesus has some things to teach every one of us. Jesus can improve every one of our relationships. But, to do that, let’s admit something from the very beginning. I think it will help. Let’s admit that when it comes to relationships, we’re different. We relate differently. We communicate differently. We’re just different – all of us.

Because we’re different, we ask some of these questions: Why won’t my husband talk more? Why can’t my wife think more like I do? Why won’t my parents listen to me? Why is it that children have to be told an average of 235 times to take the garbage out before they do? How can I find a friend who really understands?

We all live with this huge gap when it comes to relationships. When it comes to relationships we have to ask ourselves how we bridge this incredible gap? There have been some terribly hurtful things take place in your relationships – things like…

“You’ll never amount to anything.” - “I’m sorry I ever married you.” - “I’ll never forgive what she said about me.” “I want a divorce.” - “Why can’t we be in the same room without fighting?” - “He’s an idiot.”

Some of you are here today and you’re at the end of your rope when it comes to relationships. You wonder how you’re going to bridge that gap. What I want you to get this morning is this - Jesus is the bridge. Jesus Christ has the power to take us from where we are to where in our hearts we want to be when it comes to relationships.

So, as we look at the life of Christ and the way He did relationships, let me say this – I am probably one of the least qualified to talk about relationships. I don't do relationships real well. The truth is I stink at them. But, God is teaching me. God is growing me. God is changing me. And the truth is, it's not about me anyway - it's about Jesus.

Before we go any further, let’s stop and think for a moment and ask - What relationship is there in my life that needs some working on that I’d like to see God improve. It doesn’t take long to think of one does it? Write that persons name down. Then I want you to close your eyes and listen to this verse:

Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Folks, God wants us to treasure people. God wants us to value people. That’s where building great relationships begin.

Relationship Principle #1: JESUS PLACED THE HIGHEST VALUE ON RELATIONSHIPS.

When Jesus talked about values, He said the number one value is relationships. One day Jesus was walking through the street. The crowds were around Him and a teacher of the law – a scribe - walks up to him and asks him a question – Listen from Mark 12: And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that He answered them well, asked Him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?”

Jesus didn’t have to wait a second before He answered. He looked at the man and first said this, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

That’s all about relationships – our relationship to God. To Love God is number one. No relationship is more important. No love is more important.. Valuing your relationship with God above all else. Above everyone else. Above everything else.
How do you do that? Let’s break down what Jesus told us.

“Love God with all your heart.” Your heart is where you feel. You love Him with the emotions of your life. That’s part of valuing your relationship with God. I love God with all my heart when I share my emotions with Him. I hope you do that, when you tell God, the Father, this is how I’m feeling, this is what I’m going through right now. When you take the time to tell Him that, maybe some time during the night when you’re tossing and turning – you’re facing an appointment, a difficulty tomorrow – you say, “God, here’s how I’m feeling.” That’s loving God. It’s one of the greatest ways you can love God.

“Love Him with all your mind”. My mind is where I think. It’s where the thoughts and impressions and intelligence and learning happens. I want to love Him with that. You love God with all your mind when He’s the last thought at night. When you set down and just for fifteen minutes to think about what does it mean that God is my Father?

What does it mean that God never changes? What does it mean that God’s all-powerful? You take a few minutes out of the day to think about that. That’s loving Him with your thoughts.

“Love Him with all your soul” Your soul is where you decide. It’s the place in your life where your will is. That’s what your soul is all about. Have you had one of those situations where your mind tells you to do one thing and your feelings tell you to do another thing? You feel stretched in two different directions. In that case, who decides? It’s your will, your soul. Have you ever decided to do something even though you didn’t want to do it? Sure, we’ve all done that.

What caused you to be able to do that? You have a will. You’re not driven by your emotions or even by your thoughts. We have a will and we can love the Lord with that. You love God with your soul, your decisions, when you choose His way rather than your way in your business or in your family. That’s loving Him with your soul.

“Love Him with all your strength.” This is where you act. You love God and you show it with your actions. You show it when you serve Him with all your strength. You show it when you give yourself to another person. You show it when you obey him. We show it when we give our all to the Lord because we love the Lord.

Where you feel, where you think, where you decide and where you act. Emotions, thoughts, desires, actions. If you and I want to change our values, here’s a good list of the four things we need to change. I need to change my heart, my mind, my soul and my strength.

This is really the center of the entire devotional today. Jesus said this is the first commandment. You’ve got to love the Lord, have that as the center. If you don’t have that as the center, the value of that, then everything else doesn’t make any sense.

Jesus didn’t stop there when answering the scribe about what commandment was the most important of all. He gave the scribe a little bonus answer. He said, “The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.” Do you get this? The #1 priority of my life should be my relationship with God. The second priority? My relationship with others.

What does it meant to value our relationship with others? Jesus said, “You love your neighbor as yourself.” What does that mean? I can remember a long time back, I was reading a Time Management book written by Ted Engstrom. In it he said “God does not demand of me that I accomplish great things. He does demand of me that I strive for excellence in my relationships.”

So, how do you do that? Here’s what I’m learning - Valuing my relationship with others means asking three questions:

#1. I need to ask, What’s worth my time? Love is really spelled TIME. I have to give time to people to truly love them.

Jesus had a relationship encounter once. There was a time when He was going for a meal to some friends’ house. Martha and Mary were their names. They had a brother Lazarus. Thirteen big hungry fishermen coming for dinner. Mary and Martha need to rush around, make sure that these guys are fed. They want to serve Jesus, impress Him.

Luke 10 says, “Martha was the jittery type and was worrying over the big dinner she was preparing.” When Jesus started teaching the disciples, her sister Mary went and sat at Jesus’ feet and started to listen in on the teaching. And Martha’s trying to prepare this huge meal all by herself now. Can you imagine what happened? She starts banging pots and pans around, looking over at Mary. Is she going to ever notice that I need some help here? You can feel the temperature rising in the room. Martha is really getting hot here!

She walks up to Jesus, interrupts His teaching and says “Sir, doesn’t it seem unfair to You that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” Jesus looks at Martha – and in love say this - “But the Lord said to her, ‘Martha, dear friend, you are so upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it and I won’t take it away from her.’”

Is He saying that Martha was wrong to prepare the meal? I don’t think so. I think that Martha could have loved Jesus just as much by serving a meal as Mary could have loved Him by setting at His feet and listening to His teaching. I believe that. It was the attitude that He was talking about. Listen, He’s saying. Mary has chosen to enjoy her relationship with Me. Martha could have chosen that even as she was preparing the meal but she didn’t.

When it comes to relationships, one of the questions that’s behind this verse is What’s worth my time and What am I spending my time doing? One of the real difficulties with relationships is they take time. They take lots of time. You cannot schedule relationships like you can schedule other things, can you? You can’t write in on your daily planner, twelve noon: talk to Joe about his marriage problem.

You can’t write in, seven p.m.: Help my daughter deal with her fears at school. Nine to ten p.m.: Have fight with wife. You don’t schedule that in. Ten thirty to eleven p.m: Make up with my wife. You just can’t schedule those things in. Ladies, this drives guys crazy. We want to be able to schedule everything for the entire day.

One of the things that God is teaching me – one of the things we have to admit is that we can’t schedule relationships. They’re just not made that way. We have to ask, What’s worth my time? and, Am I willing to be flexible with relationships because they’re worth more than anything to me?

#2. You ask, Who’s worth my trust? I could have said, Who’s worth my love? but I want to say Who’s worth my trust? because that gets to the heart of the matter. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” So the relational question here is, Who is your neighbor?

Jesus told a story about this once when His disciples were struggled with this issue of who is your neighbor. It’s the story of the Good Samaritan. There’s a real values choice in this story. Luke 10:30-37. Jesus gave us a picture. “A Jew was going on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho…” It was down through a dark valley, a lonely desolate place. “… and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes and money and beat him up and left him lying half-dead beside the road…” You see this incredible circumstance where Jesus notices a person’s need.

Jesus said there’s a values choice. These bandits that stripped a man, beat him. He’s lying beside the road and people began to walk by. In fact, a couple of religious leaders walked by. They noticed the man but they had more important things to do. They had meetings to go to, places to be. They just rushed on by. Then a Samaritan came by.

In that day, the Jewish people had a great prejudice against the Samaritan people. They had a lot of battles in their background. So for Jesus to raise a Samaritan to the height of honor in this situation would have been something that shocked everybody. It’s the Samaritan that goes by, notices the man’s needs, goes over, bandages him, puts him on his own donkey, takes him and makes sure he has a place to stay. He says, If there’s anymore need at all I’ll pay for it when I come back.

There’s something that we don’t see immediately in this story that the first hearers would have seen. That is that love always does require trust. There’s always a risk. It was a pretty common practice in that day on the road to Jericho for bandits to rob travelers by having a guy lay like he’s hurt, like he’s beat up. Then when somebody comes to check him out, they jump on the guy and take all his money. So as those people walked by, it would be very easy for them to say, “I can’t help because I’ll bet the guy’s a robber. I bet he doesn’t have a real need.” For the Samaritan to go and help that man, it was a genuine risk.

Here’s a real values question. It’s always a risk to love. That’s why it’s such an important values question. It was a risk for this man and it’s a risk for you and I. C. S. Lewis said it this way, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it in tact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” It’s a risk to love, but it’s worth it.

I’m sure there are some of you here that have been hurt so deeply. You’ve told yourself “I’m never going to open myself up to that kind of hurt again to any person and maybe even to God because it hurts.” And who wants to hurt again? But this is an incredible reminder that there is hurt in not loving too. Not only are you hurt, but the ones you could have loved are incredibly hurt. It takes trust.

If you have relationship, it’s a risk. There’s no guarantees. Those of you who are parents, wouldn’t you like a guarantee that your kids would turn out to be perfect people who have perfect children. Wouldn’t you like a guarantee that they’d have no problems in their life? You can’t even guarantee that about your life. How can you guarantee it about somebody else’s life? So that little six-month-old that you hold in your hands, you have to recognize there are no guarantees.

It’s always a risk to love. I’ve got to ask myself, Who’s worth that trust? Jesus said, “Who’s your neighbor? Anyone who has a need.” As a Christian, that’s who’s worth your trust.

#3. There’s a third question in this simple thing. If you love your neighbor as you love yourself, there’s a question there, “Who’s worth more?” love your neighbor - As yourself. Jesus said in Matthew 10, “Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. Even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.” Who’s worth more?

We are all of equal value in God’s sight. I must value others just as much as God values me. What would change in your relationships if people knew that about you? That you valued them as much as God does?

The truth of the matter this morning is simple - Jesus values relationships.

He places this incredibly high value on His relationship with us. He died on the cross to make a relationship with Him possible. He wants us to be with Him wherever He is for all eternity. John 15:12-13 (ESV) says, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.”

Folks, when I take a minute to look at the reality of that, that’s overwhelming. That’s the kind of strength that I need. Jesus placed high values on relationships. He placed a high value on me. Even when I don’t think I deserve it at times. Here’s the last request -

As a result of today’s devotional, ask yourself - - Who do I need to put on my calendar? Who do I need to put on my schedule as a result of this message? If you’re not spending daily time with God for ten or fifteen minutes at the beginning or end of the day, will you start? He needs to be first. Because you “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength,” Read a little of His word, pray a little bit and let Him strengthen the relationship.

But then who needs to be on your schedule? Maybe you’re afraid to write it in because you’re afraid you’ll break the appointment. At least make the attempt. If you break the appointment, then try again. None of us are perfect. The issue is start. Start spending the time God wants you to on relationships. First with Him and then with others.

Prayer:

Maybe this morning you've read this devotion and you know that something’s got to change in your life. Let me ask you straight up – have you got a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Have you received Him into your heart? Have you given Him your life?

Then, how many of you would say, I need help in my relationships? Pray for me? let me know this week how I can be praying for you. I love you guys. Stay the course. Stay faithful. ENDURE!

February 28: Matthew 5:21-24 - What is the truth found here?
March 1:Ephesians 4:2: What is the command in regard to relationships?
March 2: 1 Corinthians 11:1: What is this command all about?
March 3: 1 John 3:16: How can you apply this truth to your relationships?
March 4: Ephesians 4:29: What is the command here? How will you apply it?
March 5: Matthew 5:38-39: How will you apply this command to your life and relationships?

WEEK #8: February 20-26. 2011

Good Morning! As we continue our message series on a PARENTS SACRED TRUST, this week we'll be looking at the key to building a great family. Foundational to building a great family is that you build a great marriage. Great marriages produce great kids. Great kids change the world.

A key verse to remember and memorize if you are going to build a great marriage is Philippians 2:2 - from the Phillips version. It says "... Live together in harmony and love, as though you only had one mind and spirit between you."

In reality very few marriages live in harmony, unity and intimacy. In fact, if the truth were known, most people would say, "I feel cheated in my marriage. I'm disappointed in it. It's not at all what I expected it to be." What happened? Good marriages just don't happen. I don't care who you marry. Good marriages just don't happen. They are intentional. They take time, commitment, and most of all they take effort.

Ephesians 4:3 says "Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit." Today in our devotional I want to talk with you about the six secrets of a great marriage. I want to identify them. And I want you to evaluate yourself on these six areas -- six keys -- to a great marriage.

Most of us at some time in our lives have an annual performance review at work. When you're doing your taxes, you probably do an annual financial review. Some of you get an annual physical checkup. I want you to do a check up on your marriage today. Evaluate yourself along the lines of six things.

#1. COMMUNICATION. Proverbs 13:17 says "Reliable communication permits progress."

It takes communication to have a successful, satisfying marriage. If you want to make progress in your marriage, you've got to talk. Eighty-five percent of all marriage problems is this: poor communication. TIME magazine released a statistic that said, "The average couple talks to each other alone four minutes a day. The average couple spends 47 hours a week in front of the television and spends about 30 minutes total in communication per week. It's no wonder we don't communicate. We don't talk with each other. We’re to busy watching TV.

Folks, men and women have very different communication needs. The average woman talks about 30,000 words a day. The average man talks about 20,000 words a day. When the man comes home from work he's used up almost all his words. So he's going to grunt his way through the evening. But the wife, because she has a bigger storage, has ten grand to expand. She's dying to talk! This causes great frustration in a marriage. You've got to learn to communicate.

Evaluate yourself in communication -- one to ten. If communication in your marriage is at a minimum level, give yourself a "1". If you say, Sometimes we're on the same wavelength, give yourself a "4". If you plan to talk together, schedule times to talk, give yourself a "10".

#2. CONSIDERATION. Ephesians 4:2 says "Show your love by being helpful to each other."

Consideration simply means paying attention to what your spouse says, showing common courtesy, treating people with respect. Consideration means you go out and bring in the groceries, even if it is the 4th quarter. Consideration means you wait until she has both legs in the car before you pull out of the driveway!

It is amazing how quickly consideration vanishes once we get married. We're very considerate when we're dating. Here are the the five stages of a marriage consideration:

Stage 1 -- "Baby, darling, I'm worried about that sniffle you have. I've called the paramedics to rush you to Stanford hospital for a checkup and some rest. I know you don't like hospital food so I'll bring your meals."

Stage 2 -- "Sweetheart, I don't like the sound of that cough. I've arrange for the doctor to make a house call. Let me tuck you in bed."

Stage 3 -- "You look like you've got a fever. Why don't you drive yourself down to the clinic and get some medicine. I'll watch the kids."

Stage 4 -- "Look, be sensible. After you've fed and bathed the kid and wash dishes, you really ought to get in bed."

Stage 5 -- "For Pete's sake! Would you stop coughing? I can't hear the television! Would you mind going into the other room while this show is on? You sound like a barking dog."

Reminds me of the guy that said, "When I first got married my wife brought me my slippers and my dog barked. Now it's reversed." It’s so easy to lose consideration for each other. James 3:17 says "Consideration is a mark of wisdom." When I'm inconsiderate to Sharon, I'm stupid. The wise thing is to be considerate of your husband, of your wife.

If you're considerate when you're in a good mood, give yourself a "1". If you help your mate out when they ask you, give yourself a "5". If you look for ways to lighten your mate's load, give yourself a "10". Anticipate, look for ways to make your mate's life easier.

#3. COMPROMISE. This is a real mark of love. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says "Love does not demand it's own way."

The unloving thing to do is try to change your mate. The unloving thing to do in marriage is to always try/expect top get your own way. The loving thing is to not demand your own way. The loving thing to do in marriage is to learn how to compromise.

Three facts of life: 1) You will have conflict in marriage. Every marriage has conflict. 2) There are some issues you're never going to agree on. Because you're different. 3) Compromise is the evidence of real love. You meet in the middle. You're flexible. You yield your rights. Give and take. You learn the art of negotiation.

What kinds of things will you need to learn to compromise over? The kinds of vacations your take. Some people like to see 102 events in 2 days. Other people want to go to one place and stay put. We relax different ways. You have to compromise.

The way your kids are raised.... how often you make love... when you make love... the way your money is spent... how often you see the in-laws... how you spend your day off. Folks, more marriages die from inflexibility than adultery, alcoholism, or abuse. It's a fact that we're just plain stubborn. We're rigid. We don't want to change or negotiate or compromise. We want our way and that's why most marriages die.

If you are stubborn until you get your way, give yourself a "1". If you don't talk about issues you don't agree on, give yourself a "-1". If you stay with an issue until you work it out, give yourself an "8". If both of you go the second mile with each other, give in, do more than your share, give yourself a "10".

#4. COURTSHIP. Proverbs 5:19 says "Let your mate's affection fill you at all times with delight."

Physical affection is vital, absolutely vital to a satisfying marriage. If there was more courting in marriage there would be fewer marriages in court. The real problem with many marriages is that what you did to win your mate's love you have not continued to do to keep your mate's love. You've stopped courting.

Folks, here’s my encouragement for you –Date your mate. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says "Enjoy life with your wife whom you love." The things she did before she was your wife, do those same things with her now that she is your wife. Make your relationship a priority, become best friends, have fun. You must develop things that you like to do together. You must find common ground. It is intentional; good marriages don't just happen. You've got to find a hobby you both like to do. Find a recreation you both like to do. Find some fun things you both enjoy doing. Marriages are built on shared relationships.

If your courting is nonexistent, too busy to have fun, give yourself a "1". Have you noticed that the longer you're married, the more you share the chores but the less you share the joys? You don't have fun anymore. Life becomes a burden and not a blessing. If you schedule at least a weekly date, give yourself a "10". A date night or a date lunch.

#5. COMMITMENT. It takes commitment for a satisfying marriage. Malachi 2:16 says "`I hate divorce,' says the Lord, `Make sure you do not break your promise to be faithful to your mate.'"

You'll never build a great marriage if divorce is always an option for you. If it's always back there, lurking in the back as a potential option, you will never build a great marriage. It's just too easy to walk out. When the times are tough and every bone in your body says, "I'm not going to take this anymore! I'm splitting!" -- if divorce is an option, you'll take it.

You have to lock the escape hatch on your marriage if you want a great marriage. Throw away the key. You must assume "Til death do us part. I made a promise to God and I'm going to keep it if it kills me!" Commitment is what makes a marriage great. If divorce is an option then you're not going to put forth the effort.


When you make a commitment, it means also that you don't use the threat of divorce when you get ticked off. When you get mad, you don't hint at leaving. And you don't use scare words. They are off limits, hitting below the belt. Unacceptable. No matter how mad you are and how angry and how much you hate that person at the moment you do not bring up the issue of divorce because it's not even an issue. That's what commitment means. You made a promise before God.

Most people do not understand the meaning of commitment. Definition: Commitment means being willing to be unhappy for a while until you can work things out. Great marriages do not just happen. They must be worked on. It takes effort.

Evaluate yourself on the commitment level:
If you say, I'm toying with the idea of leaving, give yourself a "1". If you say you use divorce as a threat when you're mad, give yourself a "2". If you say, divorce is not an option, give yourself a "10".

#6. CHRIST. Christ gives you the power and the desire to do the other five. He gives you love when you run out of love. Philippians 2: says "Your attitude toward each other should be the same as that of Jesus Christ."

How do you have that attitude? Get Him in your life. Ask Him to put His Spirit within you, help you think the way He thinks, to treat your husband the way Jesus would treat him, to treat your wife the way Jesus would treat her. The greatest thing you can do for your husband/wife is become a godly person, become like Christ and treat that person like Jesus Christ would.

How do you do that? First invite Christ into your life. Ask Him to fill you with His presence, His Spirit, His thoughts. Then you commit your marriage to Christ, commit your kids to Christ. Commit your family to Christ. Say, "God, I dedicate my marriage to You." Begin praying together. At mealtimes, maybe in bed together at night holding hands. If something is on your heart, hold hands and pray about it. Maybe morning is a good time. Spiritual intimacy produces physical intimacy. Get into the Bible -- begin reading it. Memorize verses together.

Statistics again, from Marriage and Divorce magazine, One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. But when they're married in a church ceremony, it drops to one out of every 50 ending in divorce. When the couple is married in a church ceremony, they attend church regularly, pray and read the Bible together, the divorce rate drops to one out of 1,105.

What is the secret? Christ is the center of their relationship. When both of you love Christ, even more than you love each other. When the husband focuses on growing toward Christ and the wife focuses on growing toward Christ, it automatically brings them together. Christ is not going to fight with Christ.

Evaluate the place Christ has in your marriage:
If He has no place in your marriage, give yourself a "0". If you attend church together and discuss the messages, give yourself a "5". If you pray and read the Bible together regularly, give yourself a "10".

SO WHAT?

Folks, these are the six secrets of building a great marriage. If you're single, these exact things refer to any personal relationship. If you ever have any hope or thought that you might marry someday, you need to be committed to these things. Great marriages do not just happen. It takes communication and consideration and compromise and courtship and compromise and Christ.

As a word of personal testimony, nothing has challenged me so much as the challenge to build my marriage. Nothing compares to the challenge that has been. Not building a church or anything. And also, nothing has been as rewarding. It's worth the effort.

I want to challenge you today to commit your life to Christ totally and unreservedly -- 100%. Say, "God, You made me, You have a plan for my life, I want to get in line with it. Jesus Christ, as much as I know how, come into my life." Matthew 22:37-38 says this “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' [38] This is the first and greatest commandment.’ ” If you want a great marriage, love God with all your heart first!

Then commit your marriage to Christ. Do whatever it takes to make you marriage great. Make any sacrifice. Be willing to pay any price. Commit yourself to becoming the person God wants you to be. The issue is not looking for the right person. The issue is be the right person. Then watch what God can do in your life.

I encourage you to read the following passage this week. One of the great disciplines in life is to be in God's Word daily. Go for it.

February 21 - Hebrews 13:4: What is the command here for all marriages?
February 22 - Song of Solomon 8:6: Who is the only one who should hold your heart?
February 23 - 1 Corinthians 7:3: What is our responsibility in marriage?
February 24 - Hebrews 10:24-25: How will practice this command in your marriage?
February 25 - Colossians 3:19: What are we commanded to do in this passage?
February 26 - Ephesians 5:21-28: What are God's guidelines for marriage in this passage?

WEEK #7: February 13-19, 2011

Good morning! Is this a great day or what? It is just good to be alive isn’t it? Well, at least I’m glad we’re alive! This week, we are continuing our series on "A PARENT'S SACRED TRUST".

Jesus, one time, in giving an illustration about the home talked about the danger of conflict in the home. In Mark 3:25, Jesus said "A home filled with strife and division destroys itself." What’s Jesus saying? There's a real danger with strife and division and conflict! Conflict can kill a marriage, conflict can kill a family, and conflict can kill a soul.

So today, we want to talk about how to resolve conflict in your home – GOD”S WAY! These principles that we're going to focus in on will help you to grow a great family, no doubt, but these are principles you need for any relationship. If you're single you can obviously use these with your kids or at work, with friends. WHY? Because all relationships involve conflict. Are you ready?

First, lets look at….
#1. THE REASON FOR CONFLICT

If you're going to overcome conflict in your life you have to understand first of all the reason for it, why is it there? The Bible is very clear about this, it's almost blunt. (I love that about the Bible – no mincing or parsing of words like we do today – just real blunt - real matter of fact) James 4:1 says "Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you." Notice the phrase- selfish desires. That's where they come from. That's why we all face conflict - selfishness, self-centeredness. I want what I want, and you want what you want.

We can see this even in the little things of life. This is why they have duel controls on electric blankets. Should towels be folded in half or thirds. Should the toilet paper loop over or under. All of these things become huge issues. Why? Because we're different. Conflict is inevitable. It's not only because we're selfish but because we're different. These differences make us think, "I want my way; you want your way." It’s like two trains - on course for a head on collision.

Second, let’s look at…
#2. HOW DO YOU RESOLVE CONFLICTS Notice I said resolve? God’s way in dealing with conflict is to always resolve it. The world says avoid it, pretend it doesn’t exist, ignore it. But, God says resolve it!

So, what are the practical steps that the Bible speaks about that help us to resolve the conflicts in our lives?

#1. Become a believer. Commit your life to Jesus Christ. Resolving conflict with others always start by resolving your conflict with God! The Bible says that before we come to Jesus Christ we're in conflict with God. You may feel it or not feel it but it says we're in conflict with God.

We have our way and we're going to do it our way, even though He has a different way. We're separate from Him. We're without Him in the world. We're in conflict within. Jesus Christ came to this world to make peace between man and God, to solve that conflict. This is the key place to begin in resolving conflict in all of our relationships.

Ephesians 2:16 says "As parts of the same body, our anger against each other has disappeared. For both of us have been reconciled to God and so the feud ended at the cross." He's talking about conflict between nations but this works between people too. The feud ended at the cross. God's able to solve the conflicts in our lives at the cross. Many marriage conflicts, many relationship conflicts could be solved overnight, if people would just give their lives to Jesus Christ. HOW? He has the power to resolve conflict – we can only tap into that power when we know him personally!

In my marriage, in my relationships, it is my relationship with Jesus Christ that sets the tone for the ability to handle the conflicts that I face. He gives me the ability to think in a different way and relate in a different way. Finding the love of Christ helped me find the forgiveness in my life that built the foundation of strength for all of my relationships. Finding the love of Christ also gives me the strength to forgive others. If you're going to solve conflicts you've got to have that strength.

If you want to resolve the conflict in your relationships, begin your relationship with Jesus Christ. Then He'll give you the strength to move on to the second point.

#2. Talk to God about the conflict. Pray. Before you talk to the person you are having conflict with, talk to God about it. The truth is, that may resolve it right there! You may find it's mostly your problem anyway.

We all need to learn to vent vertically. We're real good at ventilating horizontally at all the people around us. But before you do that, ventilate vertically. We read in the Bible that David was very good at this. When you read the book of Psalms, he did a lot of this. He told God when he was ticked off! He told God everything he was feeling. Then he would go and talk to others about it. If you and I could do that, we could solve many of those problems with Him. Talk to God about the problem.

Have you ever been in the middle of an argument and thought "What am I going to do? How are we going to solve this? I don't see how we can break through this." James 1:5 talks about God's ability to make a difference in the way we talk about our problems. When I have a problem I can ask Him to help me solve it. "If you want to know what God wants you to do ask Him and He will gladly tell you." God wants to help us.

We just need to talk to Him about the problems that we're facing in our lives. Do you do that? When you are facing conflict, do you pray about it? Do ask God for wisdom to know how to handle it? Or, do you just fly off the handle, trust your own human wisdom, your own reasoning?

If you want to resolve your relationships, talk to God about the conflict. Then He'll give you the strength to move on to the third point.

#3. Change your focus. Change your focus from my needs to their needs. Philippians 2:3-5 says "Don't be selfish. Don't just think about your own affairs but be interested in others' too, in what they are doing. Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ."

Let's get honest. When you get angry, when you're in the middle of a conflict, you're preoccupied with yourself, aren't you? What are my needs and how am I going to get these needs met? I've found that if somehow God gets it into my little brain, just five seconds of the thought, "Think about their needs" and I can take just a moment to do that, it changes the entire complexion of the argument.

Christ can give us the strength to do that. He's the one who gives us the power to change our focus. We need to seek to understand not just to be understood. Folks, when we handle conflict in this manor, the world will take notice. The world will say I want what that person has.

Jesus talked about the importance changing your focus in Matthew 7:3. He said "Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the big piece of wood in your own eye. First, take the wood out of your own eye and then you will clearly see to take the dust out of your friend's eye."

Jesus is saying before you even begin pointing out other people faults, first ask yourself, "what are my faults" Jesus is saying that even if it's a little speck in your eye, just a little bit of the conflict is your fault, it's going to create a blind spot in your life!

I know that most of the time in your conflicts the amount of wrong is maybe 1 hundredth of 1 percent. The other person is mostly wrong. But even if that's true, Jesus is saying here that the tiniest speck of wrong is going to blind you to their needs. All you're going to see is your problem. Ask yourself first, is this my problem? Do I have a problem here?

Folks, one of the most powerful peacemakers in a relationship can be just some simple words. They can change a conflict. "I'm sorry. . . I was only thinking of myself. . . Help me to see things as you do." If you can genuinely say that within any conflict that has the power to make peace. There's a fourth key to solving the conflict in our lives.

#4. Establish Ground Rules! Even countries make arms treaties with one another. The worst of enemies say, There are certain weapons that are out of bounds. Certain weapons we won't use. They know that those weapons, if used, would destroy both sides. There are certain things in communication that are out of bounds. They destroy others when used.

Sharon and always cover this when we do pre-martial counseling with another couple. Figure out what each other’s emotional hot buttons are and don’t go there. Listen to Ephesians 4:31 "Stop being mean, bad tempered and angry, quarreling, harsh words and the dislike of others should have no place in our lives." If you look closely at this verse it helps us to recognize the ground rules that God wants us to have.

God is saying to us about all of our relationships - Instead of being mean, be kind. Instead of being bad tempered, be patient. Instead of anger, try honesty and love. Instead of harsh words, use gentle words. Make the truths of this verse the ground rules for all of your relationships.

Finally, if you want to resolve conflict…
#5. Go and make peace!

If you're going to resolve a conflict the key point is go and make peace. YOU GO! Matthew 5:23-24 says "So when you offer your gift to God at the altar and you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go and make peace with that person and then come and offer your gift."

Folks, conflict is not resolved accidentally. It has to be deliberately dealt with. Go and make peace, not just be willing to wait until they come and make peace with you, but you go and make peace. Not go and make excuses or go and make your point. Go and make peace. Jesus shows us that the only way to resolve a conflict is to face a conflict. That's tough but that's the way to get resolved.

In these verses, Jesus says that resolving the conflict is even more important than church. He says, if you're in church giving an offering and you remember that somebody has something against you, go and resolve that conflict. (Notice he did say, leave your offering and go!) The point is, Jesus said you can't worship God when you have a conflict with others. What do you do when you go and make peace? Three things;

Choose the right time - Choose the right place – choose to make peace. The right time is as soon as possible - after the adrenalin has gone down -- the right place is when you can be alone and deal with your conflict. Don’t iron out your issues publicly! Bad witness!

Finally, go and make peace! It’s the NIKE thing – JUST DO IT! Some of you, there's a conflict you've been struggling with a long time in your life. As a result of today's message what you're going to need to do is go and schedule a peace conference with somebody. It's not going to come easily. You're going to have to schedule a time and make peace. In fact, that's your homework from this message today. Whether it's with a parent, one or all of your children, your husband, your wife, a friend an acquaintance -- schedule that peace conference this week. Go and make peace.

SO WHAT? (what will you do with what you have read?)

1. I resolve to commit my life to Jesus Christ. You may have never done that. That is the first point we talked about. That's where you start. Tell Him you need Him. We need Jesus Christ in our relationships. That's why He came for us, that's why He loves us. Ask for His help. Ask Him to forgive you for the wrongs you've done and give you direction for everyday life. He's promised He will.

2. I resolve to commit my attitudes to Jesus Christ. You may have given your life to Christ but your attitudes have been crummy lately. There’s been a lot of "my way or the high way" stuff going on in your life. He can help you - if you commit your attitudes to Him.

3. I resolve to commit my words to Jesus Christ, the way I talk to others. To let Him help me begin to talk in a more gentle way, in a more clear way and a more loving way. Ask for His help in that. (Ephesians 4:29)

I don't know which one of these resolutions hits home with you but whichever one -- don't try to do all of them, just pick the one that fits with you and begin to live that out this week.

PRAYER: Some of you, as we pray, need to tell Jesus Christ today, "I'm committing my life to You, Jesus." Tell Him that in your heart. You don't even have to say it out loud. He can hear you as you talk in your mind. Tell Him that you need His forgiveness, His direction, the life He can give you.

Some of you need to say, "Lord, my attitude has been rotten lately and I'm committing my attitude anew and afresh to You today. I've been trying to get my needs met by selfishness and it's not working and now I see why. Help me to try Your way."

Some of you just need to talk to God about your words and tell Him, "I haven't been pleased with the way I've been talking to others lately. Would You help me speak in the way You would speak with words that build people up rather than tear people down."

Jesus, we come to You together and ask for Your strength. We pray that You'd help us make these principles from Your word not just something we read about today, but every day for the rest of our lives! AMEN

I really want to encourage you to read through the verses/passages that are below this week. There is no substitute for being in God's Word every day. Nothing will fuel/jump start/sustain your walk with God like digging into God's Word. In the Bible you will find God's will for your life, God's principles, God's values and God's plan and purpose. Build this spiritual discipline into your life.

February 14 - 1 Corinthians 13:1-7: What's the big idea here?
February 15 - Ephesians 4:29-5:4: What does God want coming from our mouth?
February 16 - Joshua 1:8-10: What's the commandment here?
February 17 - 2 Timothy 3:16: What is the truth about the Bible?
February 18 - Matthew 9:35-38: What are told to do here?
February 19 - John 8:31-32: As followers of Christ, what are we commanded to do?

WEEK #6: February 6 - 12, 2011

For the next few weeks, we'll be going through a message series called - "A Parents Sacred Trust". Each week of these devotions, we'll look at what God's Word has to say about parenting.

This week, we are going to look at what we are to do as parents when things don’t go as planed, when our kids walk away fro God and his plan for their lives. We will be looking at Luke 15. The story of the prodigal or the lost son. It's a story that gives hope for hurting parents. It's not just a lesson about God's love, but it's a lesson about parenting.

Now, just so we are clear, I'm no authority about parenting. I feel like Charles Shed, who used to do a seminar on parenting when he was single. It was called, "How to Raise Your Children." Then he said after he got married, he changed the title to "Some Suggestions for Parents". Then, after he had his first kid, he change it to "Feeble Hints to Fellow Strugglers". And after he had three kids, he said he stopped giving the lecture.

I'm no authority, but God is an authority and that's what we're going to look at today. As a pastor, more than other people, I see the hurt and the heartbreak that happens in a family when one family member chooses a lifestyle that messes everybody else up. It hurts.

Let’s look at how this happens…
STAGE ONE: REBELLION

Luke 15:11 "Jesus said, `There's a man who had two sons and the younger one said to his father, "Father, give me my share of the estate." So he divided his property between them and not long after that the younger son got all he had together and he sat of for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.'"

Stage one is rebellion. In every parent-child relationship there's going to be a struggle. It's called a struggle for control. Who's in charge? It's a power control. At birth, as a parent, you are 100% in control. But as they grow, the power gets transferred. Your control is not permanent. Kids want control sooner than we want to give it.

Here in verse 12, we see the root of all rebellion – the prodigal says to his father "Father, give me..." Underline "give me" -- that's the root of rebellion. SELFISHNESS. Me first. If I could just do as I please, if I could just be my own boss, if I didn't have to answer to anyone life would be great.

So, In verse 13, it says "He got all he had together and sat off for a distant country and squandered his wealth in wild living." This guys heads for Hollywood. He's going to live it up! He goes to Sunset Strip in Jerusalem and gets in his Cadillac and cruises the Boulevard. He's having one great time!

So, let me ask you - what do you do when you have kids that are legally independent and you can't control them anymore. This father took three difficult actions. I think he's a model for us because in this parable the father represents God. And God is the perfect Father. What do you do when you can't control your kid anymore - and they're going to go live in a lifestyle the opposite of what you want them to do?

1. LET THEM GO
"the younger son set off" and the father didn't chase him. He released him. From birth we're preparing our kids to leave. I think one of the most difficult tasks of parenting is knowing when to let go. It's hard. When do we let them go? If your 16 year old came to you with this request, would you give into it? No way! But, if they are of legal age, and they are determined to live outside of your authority, you let them go. No doubt the father tried to reason with his son but to no avail. The young man was determined to leave. The fact is, the tighter we hold on, the more they resist. Let them go. That's hard.

2. LET THEM MAKE THEIR OWN MISTAKES
"He squandered his wealth in wild living" He took everything his dad had given him and blew it. He wasted it all. At first the story is great. It's party time! He's living it up! Jet set! Go for the gusto! The son probably tried everything, especially those things that were forbidden at home. He's out having a good time and living it up. He tosses his parents' values to the wind and rejects their background and has a great time. But he wasted his wealth.

Here is the a true statement, rebellion is always a waste of life. Let me ask you, do you think that this father knew that his son was going to waste the money? Sure. Do you think he knew his son was headed for trouble? Sure. Do you think he was tempted to send letters of advice? Sure.

The father realized that there are some things we only learn through pain. This kid was stubborn. The only way he was going to learn it was through the school of hard knocks. He would never learn at home or in the classroom what he was going to learn out in life because convictions come from life, not from a classroom. It's risky but it was the only way for this kid.

Proverbs 20:30 says, "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways." Frank Freed says, "I've talked to a lot of people and most of them say, `If I had to do over I'd do less for my child and make him do more for himself.'" Force him to be responsible, to grow up. When we take responsibility for our children, we take it away from them. And they will grow up to resent it.

It's hard to let them go and it's even harder to let them make their own mistakes. The hardest of all is number three.

3. LET THEM REAP THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN CHOICES.

There is a price tag for rebellion. The Bible says, "after he spent everything, he began to be in need." There always a price tag for rebellion. Galatians 6:7 says, "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he reap. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked."

Luke 15:14 says, "After he spent everything, there was a severe famine in the whole country and he began to be in need so he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he longed to fill his stomach with the pods the pigs were eating but no one gave him anything."

Do you see what’s going on here? It's hard times! The party's over! He's broke. He's friendless. He hits bottom. He has empty pockets, empty stomach, an empty life.

He's reaping the consequences of his own decision. He's wasted everything and now he is in need. There's a great temptation here as parents. And that is to intervene. Wire the money. Bail them out. Fix the situation.

The father knew something very important that all of us have to learn. Don't short-circuit God’s natural set of consequences. God has a way of disciplining our children in ways that we can't. Let your children reap the consequences of their decisions. They will never learn if we continue to intervene.

But because the father did not and bail out his son, they came to Stage Two
II. STAGE TWO: REGRET

Luke 15:17 says, "When he came to his senses." Some of you are praying for that sentence to come true in your children's lives. When is my kid going to wake up? When is he going to come to his senses? When is he going to see that he's ruining his life? You're praying for that.

"When he came to his senses he said, `How many of my father's hired men have food to spare and here I am starving to death? I will set out and go back to my father and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. And I'm no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired men."'" Do you notice the change in attitude?

He begins to wise up. It says, "He came to himself” He faces the facts and recognizes "This is stupid! What am I doing here? Why am I setting here eating pig slop? This is insane. This lifestyle is not worth it." And he heads off for home not for a change of clothes but for a change of heart.

Notice the difference. In v. 12 he says, "Father, give me..." When he comes home, v. 19, he says, "Father, make me..." He's broken. He's saying, I made a mess of my life, make me one of your hired servants -- A change of heart. What do you do during this stage, while you're waiting for your child to regret their lifestyle choices. Three things.

1. YOU PRAY
Pray and pray and never stop praying. Our children -- my children, your children -- are targets of Satan. From the day that they take a breath, Satan is trying to ruin their lives. They need to be prayed for. That's one of our chief responsibilities as parents is to pray for our children. Every day. All Day. Throughout the day. Before they get up, after they go to bed. Prayer makes all the difference.

2. YOU COMMIT
Commit them to God. The things that are out of our control are not out of God's control. Although we may not be able to change the situation, God can. Commit them to the Lord.

3. YOU WAIT
Wait and wait... Wait patiently. Many of you are doing that right now. That's hard but there is always a waiting period. it takes longer for some. But whatever you do, don't short circuit nature's discipline. Because the father waited, the son came to stage three.

III. STAGE THREE: THE RETURN
How you handle the return is very crucial. Luke 15:20 says, "So he got up and he went to his father. But while he was still a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran and threw his arms around him and he kissed him."

How do you handle the return of a prodigal? You do what God does for each one of us in our rebellion.

1. LOVE THEM FAITHFULLY
Stubborn love. You never give up. It says, "His father, while he was still a long way off, was filled with compassion." Not when he had come back home and got his life together. He was filled with compassion while he was still a long way off. The father had never given up hope. No matter how far they fall, no matter how long you wait, the door was left open for reconciliation. You love them faithfully.

2. ACCEPT THEM UNCONDITIONALLY
It says His father went out and it says he threw his arms around him. He ran to him and he kissed him and hugged him.

Can you imagine how this guy probably smelled? He's been living in a pig pen, giving slop to hogs, eating this slop (he was so hungry himself). He's at the bottom. He walks home through the desert, it's probably caked through his beard and matted in his hair. He was one gross looking, gross smelling guy! But what does his father do? He runs out and gives him a big bear hug. And kisses him. Unconditional acceptance.

Some of you are saying, "How can I accept my prodigal without lowering my standards? How can I accept my child when I don't approve at all of their lifestyle?" SIMPLE, don’t confuse acceptance with approval! There's a difference between acceptance and approval. Acceptance says, "I love you, child, because you're my child. God made you and I love you, but I do not approve of what you're doing." You can accept a child or a person without approving of their lifestyle.

I think a very important question we need to ask ourselves, parents, is, Do you make it easy for your kids to admit it when they're wrong? Or do you hold it over their heads? Do you make them come groveling? Love them faithfully and accept them unconditionally.

3. FORGIVE THEM COMPLETELY
v. 22 "But the father said to his servants. `Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet and bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's feast! Let's celebrate!"

What I like about this father is he didn't rub it in, he rubbed it out. He didn't say son, "I told you so." He could have, but he didn’t. The prodigal son didn't need a sermon – he needed forgiveness. The father gave him a second chance. He forgave him completely.

This story shows how God deals with our rebellion. In fact, that's the primary purpose of this parable. We've all sinned – we have all rebelled – we have all gone our own way - we've done our own thing. The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” We mess up our lives. But God says, "Come on home!" God longs to give us another chance.

Maybe you’re reading this today and you've got a child out there that you don't know if they're ever going to shape up. You don't know how they're going to turn out. Maybe they've rejected everything in your life and they've hurt you deeply. They've ridiculed your values and they've rejected your counsel and rebelled against your authority. You're hurt and it's agony. It's embarrassing because you tend to take all the blame on yourself. You're angry. You wonder what do I do? Where do I go for help? How can I handle this? You go to God! Give your hurts to God. He's the only one who can heal them.

Maybe you're the rebellious person. Maybe you're the rebellious child. Maybe you've thought, "It's my life! I can do whatever I want to with it. It's nobody else's business what I do. And maybe, just maybe you sense, you know that god has spoken to your heart today it’s time to come home. You recognize your rebellion, you regret it, and you want top return home. Now is the time – Come Home!

I can’t think of a better time to come home to God’s love and forgiveness than right now. I encourage you to read the following passages through the week and answer the questions associated with each passage.

FEBRUARY 7 - Ephesians 6;1-4: What are the commandments found here?
FEBRUARY 8 - Deuteronomy 6:4-9: What are we told to do in this passage?
FEBRUARY 9 - Joshua 24:15: What is the resolve shown here by Joshua?
FEBRUARY 10 - 3 John 4: Pastor Mike's life verse. What's yours?
FEBRUARY 11 - Isaiah 38:19: What is this verse expecting from us?
FEBRUARY 12 - James 1:27: What children has God placed in your life that you are to come alongside of to care for?

I love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course. ENDURE!